Tuesday, July 14, 2020

The Struggle Is Effing Real


I'm struggling ya'll. 

I'm struggling with being a good mom. 

I'm struggling with being a good teacher to the boys. Especially Bear. 
I haven't been very nice to him. 

I'm struggling with keeping the house even remotely clean. 

I'm struggling with losing weight.

I'm struggling with my motivation...for anything. 
Even things I want to do.

I'm struggling with this blog, which I want solely
as a keepsake for me. 

I'm struggling everything. 

And I'm so ambivalent to it all which is the most frustrating part.
I have no energy.
I have no WANT to do anything. 

I don't even have a good way to turn this post around. I don't have any 
good advice. I don't have a plan. 

Today I lost it with Bear. I was trying to get him to do his summer schoolwork.
Every damn mommy blogger, pediatrician, and teacher talk about how you should
do summer school work with your kid. It is good for them, teaches them work ethic
etc etc etc. 

Well. I suck at it. Bear sucks at it. He is great, perfect in school and when 
he gets home he becomes this little brat that can't be bothered to do
SIMPLE schoolwork. Wont read a level 1 "Spot digs dirt" book
and then I find out he's reading Harry effing Potter in school. 

This kid won't do a damn thing for me but will bend over backwards for
his teachers. It hurts. But I would be able to handle it if I wasn't quickly
becoming his teacher because of this COVID thing. 

So today I lost it. And I yelled. And I made my little boy cry. And the worst
part was that I didn't care. I was that angry. 

And then, after I told him how much he hurt my feelings that he is rude to me
and won't do his schoolwork and is just generally mean to me I turned around. 
As I was walking away he goes: "So are we still going to go get my slushy?"

Kids can be such assholes. 

I had to leave the room and collect myself. And just completely shut down emotionally.
I went back in the room and said that we can go get his slushy for finally 
completing his schoolwork. But that we were going to start the day over. 

I wasn't going to yell. But I also told him that I wouldn't tolerate his 
attitude or rudeness to me either. 

So we went and got lunch. And I got a damn burger, sometimes it is more 
important to get the goody so you can be a better person. 


He was so excited about his slushy.

And I let him. I didn't bring up the horrible morning we just had. 

This kid loves me no matter how much I yell, or how bad of a mom I am. 
He just loves and forgives unconditionally.

I should do the same. 


So today was a hard day. We cuddled on the couch and played games for 
a while during the afternoon. I tried to remember he is my sweet little boy, 
and I should treat him that way. 

I will try to do better tomorrow. That's really all I can do. 

-Ri

Sunday, March 15, 2020

Spring Break/Covid-19 Bucket List


So the world has gone to hell in a hand basket but hey...
at least we have toilet paper here ;D

Spring Break is this week so I've pulled together a list of things
I'd like to do with the boys. Lists make me haaaappy!
The list is a little longer than our normal Spring Break list
(and a little shorter on travel adventures) since Covid-19 has
extended their Spring Break by a week at least. 

Some of these are mundane things that we do on a daily basis,
but I like adding them to the list so I don't forget that the
things we do on a daily basis are what make up my children's 
childhood memories. 



Spring Break 2020 Bucket List:

Outside:
-Read Books in the Hammock
-Play on the Trampoline
-Fly a Kite
-All the Buuuuubbles!!
-Spray the Kids with The Hose ;D
-Swing!
-Go on Walks
-Play with Chalk
-Make a Sand Box
-Firepit

Inside:
-Play Velcro Darts
-Sticker Books
-Puzzles
-Make a Giant Duplo Train Set
-Science Kits for Bear
-Celebrate St. Paddy's Day
-Nerf Guns!
-Glow Stick Bath Party
-Plants vs. Zombie Xbox Tournament

Adventures:
(dependent upon Covid-19, the asshole)
-Houston Botanical Garden
-Bluebonnets by the Water
-Visit the Neighborhood Park



I will probably add more to this as the week(s) go on but I wanted
to get this posted so I can start linking up when we do some of these activities.

-Ri

Monday, April 3, 2017

Weekend Trip to Silverton, CO


Wow. So its been a minute! I'm not even going to try to catch up on 
everything that has happened. I'm just going to jump right in. 

Last weekend I got to take a trip (by myself!) to go visit Barry while he was 
on set shooting in Silverton, CO. We have always had this plan to never be away from each other for more than two weeks. Usually we can't do anything about it because of money or we can't find anyone to watch our dogs for us. But not this weekend! The boys stayed at Nana and Papa's house and my brother begrudgingly watched our dogs. 

I won't lie. I was a little scared to drive by myself. Our car is coming up on 250K miles (love mah baby!) and the idea of being stuck in the middle of nowhere is a real fear of mine. 
Also...desert zombies. True story. 

Lets just start with me saying...I get sick when I travel. Not sure if its motion sickness (unlikely) or if its just anxiety (bingo!) but every time I travel there is puking involved. I traveled to Austin for Celena's wedding and spent the first two hours of her wedding day puking. Not a good look. It  usually hits first thing in the morning. It is JUST LIKE morning sickness. 
If I can get to 9am I am usually good. 

This trip was no exception to the Maria's Travel Anxiety Saga. Unbeknownst to me, I was traveling the weekend of Spring Break so after a nine hour drive I was shocked to find out that there wasn't a SINGLE hotel in all of Amarillo that had a room for me. I was exhausted and freaked out at the prospect of having to drive another two hours to the next "big" town. Luckily there was a room available at the next small town, only twenty minutes away. 

I got in my room and settled down to rest. And that's when it hit. Anxiety about driving across the desert the next day. Anxiety about having to drive the treacherous mountain pass to get to Silverton. Anxiety about the truck breaking down (despite it driving beautifully all day long). I finally got to sleep but a few hours later (like two) I was awake and there was just no way I was going back to sleep. The nausea had hit me and since I was in the middle of nowhere there was no place I could go to to get some meds. So I started driving and it was the most miserable I have been while sick. Long story short I was finally able to get to a bigger town where I snatched a nap and some pepto and the fog lifted and I was just fine.


My trusty Whataburger cup! For vomit.  


There is nothing in New Mexico. Like...nothing. Most boring drive ever. 


But what I DID FIND was another Tahoe just. like. mine. I followed him all the way from Albuquerque to Durango. We were travel buddies. Or I was stalking him. Same dif.


I FINALLY made it to Durango where I was to meet Barry. Durango is only about twenty minutes from the New Mexico border so it pretty much looks like a mountain-y desert town. We grabbed some lunch at a little made-from-scratch restaurant and then 
drove the mountain pass to get to Silverton.

It was terrifying. Honestly, it wasn't that bad but I hate heights and oh man, some of those curves are just maaaade for cars to go flying off into oblivion. But oh goodness, the mountains. 


Silverton is nestled in this little valley surrounded by five mountains and it is stunningly beautiful. 

Most of the crew was off shooting so it was just me, Barry, and Phil doing a pseudo driving tour. I got to see the old mines and learn about the different ways homes are built there. I spent most of the time just looking around with my mouth open in wonder. We got an early dinner and then Barry and I just completely crashed. 

The next morning we decided we would do some more driving and then go hiking in the afternoon. 


Ok, this picture is kind of stupid but for me it was empowering. I finally have a Instagram worthy picture of just my morning coffee. I know, I know. I shouldn't base my life on the scale of others..whatever. I got my picture and I freaking love it. 

I still had some leftover travel tummy issues so I had some tea at the local coffee house and we did some driving. Now, when I say we went on a little drive, its kind of misleading. We went along a winding road north of town and stopped every three minutes or so so I could take pictures of nature.



My first time in real snow!


Mah baby!! I freaking love this truck.

We saw little creeks, a house built right over a mine shaft, and some of the older mines. 



I edited the shit out of this picture. Thank you FaceTune!
 
We talked with an older couple from the area and talked about off roading in the summer. 

We had lunch and then went on our hike!


It was just so beautiful. It was everything I could have hoped for. 


I got stuck in the snow. It was amazing.  Phil didn't even try lol


We ended the hike with a trip to one of the creeks. I've always wanted to take a drink out of a natural body of water. Luckily, Barry had one of those filters that you can sip out of so of course that had to happen. 


Just in case you were curious, it tastes just like bottled water.
 

Unfortunately Barry looks very puffy in this photo, but I look cute as shit so this is the one that got uploaded to facebook.

That was pretty much the trip. I wasn't there long and it is an itty-bitty town. Barry and I talked about the possibility of getting a vacation home there in the far future. I want to explore more of Colorado. It gave me this huge incentive to get fit. There is so much I want to do there that involves physical and mental staminia. It was a huge boost for me. 

We are going to take the boys and visit Billie this summer, it should be a lot of fun!


-Ri

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