A Day with Bear

 

On Monday Bear and I played hooky and had the BEST day. 

It was Monday and I was supposed to be enjoying my "recovery" day from the weekend. I was supposed to get out the house and run errands then come home and cozy up with a book and a snack and enjoy my "me time".  I was supposed to be enjoying my quiet time. But, it felt empty. And lonely. 

I was sitting in a parking lot trying to figure out my next move when I looked up. I saw an IHop and remembered how much fun I had with Bear introducing him to sprinkle pancakes one day after a doctor's visit. I smiled and my chest kind of filled with warmth. So I started thinking about how cool it would be to go pick up Bear from school and take him to IHop, and then it went further. How cool would it be to go pick him up from school and play video games with him (something he loves). And as I was driving out of the parking lot I argued with myself the whole way to his school. I didn't actually make the decision to go get him until I was in the parking lot of his school. 

I picked him up and as we were walking away from his school he asked in this small voice "Is everything ok? What's wrong?" I walked him a little further away and whispered in his ear 

"Nothing. Today, we are going to go have FUN."

He gave me the best little quiet giggle and we got in the car. I started naming off all the things we could do; go gets snacks and play video games, go to the park, go to the aquarium, and then I said the zoo and his eyes lit up! Thats where he wanted to go so that is where we went! No planning, no questioning, we just went!

As we were walking up to the zoo he said "this is so cool! It's just me and you! We never get to do this! I love brothers but its kind of nice to not have to worry about them running off." And that's when I realized he needed this just as much as I did. He was just filled with wonder and amazement and joy at this quiet time together. 

We went in and walked most of the zoo and just had a good time chatting with each other. When we came up to the carousel he asked in that small voice again "Can we do the ride?" I said yes, absolutely! I got him settled on his panda and looked up at him. He had the best smile on his face and he kept giving this little giggle. As the ride started and he started laughing I said to myself "This is it. This is the moment it is all worth it. This is the moment." I soaked it in and luckily caught that moment of wild joy on his face. 

We left a little after that and while its not much of a story, it was such a transformative moment for me. Ashlie said it was a healing day and I think she was right. So often I have to be the parent-in-charge. The one looking out for everything, the one in charge of discipline, the one in charge of head counts, the one in charge of the snacks, the drinks, the tickets, the itinerary, the EVERYTHING.  This couple of hours I got to remind myself that there IS joy in motherhood. And I didn't realize how much I needed it. 

Next week I'm going to pick up Nathaniel and we're going to go to the aquarium. 

After that Im going to take William to Schlitterbahn if their heated park is up.